EMBARRASSMENT

By Alex Thain
Contact the author by e-mail at christopher.johnstone@ntlworld.com

There's a blush for won‘t, and a blush for shan't, and a blush for having done it:
There's a blush for thought and a blush for naught, and a blush for just begun it.
John Keats

It was an ordinary day in an ordinary surgery in the Granite City and I was on house calls heading to the depths of a sprawling post-war council estate. In common with its’ vintage, the estate had been universally praised for its’ design by everyone… except, of course, those who had to live or work there.

On reflection however, I should have seen the signs as I walked up the path: - the false brick facing, the leaded Georgian windows and the bilateral brass carriage lamps flanking the hardwood door. The door itself had been lovingly (if inexpertly) fitted, carefully varnished and now bellowed to the world that here lived a DIY man. I have to confess a certain empathy being the proud owner of an array of power tools, a cement mixer and a library of guiding texts.

The consultation proceeded uneventfully and I was on the point of leaving when Mr DIY offered some expert advice.
“It’s a bittie stiff Dr, jist hale* ‘at it”

Unwisely taking him at his word, a substantial force was duly applied to the door, which shot open remarkably easily. Several microseconds later came the unmistakable sound of splintering squealing wood as the woefully inadequate top hinge gave way, sounding identical to the opening of Count Dracula’s coffin in any decent Hammer film. It’s so very hard to look professional with a leaning front door still in your hand.

A tidal wave of embarrassment engulfed both parties, the patient smiled weakly but as I left, crimson and cringing (but secretly suppressing the desire to introduce him to recessed butt hinges) he reassured me that it would be “nae probs Dr”.

Embarrassment is intrinsic to our profession ranging from the small and regular to the seriously catastrophic. My own regular is forgetting to close my case, picking it up with a flourish and scattering the contents like confetti. This simply oozes professionalism.

My favourite however relates to an established GP in a small Scottish town. Our colleague is known for his excellent taste and his dinner parties are renowned for their fine food and wines. On a post party Sunday he had contentedly strolled to the recycle bins only to discover that the bottle of Chateau Magnifique remained charged with a resounding mouthful. The recycling ethos was overwhelming and a deft tilt of the bottle discharged a satisfying mouthful. Then, and only then did he detect the disapproving countenance of Mrs Righteous, dutifully depositing her jam and coffee jars. Oh how we feel for him…

*hale- Doric/Old Scots – to pull hard, probably a version of haul.

Other hoolet online articles by Alex Thain can be found at:
hoolet edition 50 - A Fairy Tale
hoolet edition 49 - A Tale of Two Addicts
hoolet edition 48 - The Supporter
hoolet edition 47 - Cannon Fodder
hoolet edition 46 - The Commercial Imperative Alternative
hoolet edition 46 - The Commercial Imperative Assassin
hoolet edition 45 - A Lateral Thought
hoolet edition 44 - The Watching
hoolet edition 43 - The Child Within
hoolet edition 42 - If Kipling were a GP
hoolet edition 42 - Of Directors, Philosophers and Poets
hoolet edition 40- Of Knees and Knickers
hoolet edition 39- Neighbour meets Norton
hoolet edition 38- Embarrassment
hoolet edition 37- From the Book of Negotiators
hoolet edition 36 - Practice Visit By WH Audit
hoolet edition 35 - The Bells, The Bells. . . .
hoolet edition 34 - Talking Urine
hoolet edition 33 - Reflections on Reggie Perrin
hoolet edition 32 - Myth 1 Logic 1
hoolet edition 31 - Poems
hoolet edition 30 - One Size Fits All
hoolet edition 29 - Downwardly Mobile
hoolet edition 28 - From the mouths of babes
hoolet edition 27 - On Losing Their Child

hoolet is the magazine of RCGP Scotland. It is supported intellectually, financially and emotionally by RCGP Scotland.

This issue maintained by Robert Hallam.