THE BLUFFERS GUIDE TO APPRAISAL - THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF APPRAISAL

1. Greet your appraiser as a respected, valued and trusted colleague and avoid even thinly veiled references to political correctness gone mad, North Korea, the Gestapo, or thought police

2. Do state that you welcome and even encourage patient complaints as an integral part of clinical governance and that you deal with with these in a climate of openess and honesty. Do not declare that you regard those who dare to complain as the ungrateful mal adjusted miscreant spawn of belzebub who are removed from your list at the first sign of non compliance.

3. Confirm that you regard significant event analysis as an extremely useful evidence based educational tool to identify your learning needs and not as a pretty smart way of passing the buck to someone further down the pecking order when the shit hits the fan.

4. Do not suggest that audit is an activity only undertaken by anally retentive bean counters who need to get out more. Instead imply that that you find it hard to start the day without first carrying out an eight point audit and that you are unlikely to sleep that night if you have been unable to implement change as a result.

5. When discussing prescribing it may be wise to remove all pharmaceutical company paraphernalia from your room. Instead fish the latest prescribing guidelines out of the bin to replace them and for even better effect dress in a "No Free Lunch" tee shirt. Do not suggest that your prescribing decisions are dictated by how your extensive portfolio of drug company shares are performing and how lavish your latest drug company freebie was.

6. When discussing communication skills don't state that extending consultations to five minutes was the start of a slippery slope that merely encouraged the vast array of heartsinks and inadequates to waste your time with the sordid details of their pathetic lives. Instead clutch a copy of "The Inner Consultation " to your chest and with an evangelical fervour confirm that you see yourself not so much in a traditional doctor role but more as a shaman-priest and above all a companion and guide whose key role is to maximise the autonomy of your patients on their health care journey.

7. When discussing your own health avoid asking if there are any plans to introduce urine testing in the near future. By all means offer your appraiser some herbal tea or a decaffeinated coffee but it is probably unwise to invite them to join you in a stiff G&T even if it is after 1'clock.

8. When discussing probity it may be useful to leave out in easy view nomination papers in your name for the GMC. It would be ill advised to slip a few used fivers inside your appraisal folder and passing it to your appraiser with a knowing wink may be open to misinterpretation.

hoolet is the magazine of RCGP Scotland. It is supported intellectually, financially and emotionally by RCGP Scotland.

This issue maintained by Robert Hallam.