IF KIPLING WERE A GP

By Alex Thain
Contact the author by e-mail at info@ardlarich.co.uk

It was an ordinary day in an ordinary surgery in the North of Scotland and I was stuck in traffic. You know the situation, ordinary travellers, two school runs, a Tesco queue and a funeral cortege all competing for the same 250m of carriageway. Nothing for it but listen to the radio and stay calm whilst contemplating another late start to an already full surgery. Chris Moyles did nothing to help the mood and Steve Wright was having a banal oldies day so the unfamiliar sound of Radio 4 eventually issued forth. It was a poetry programme featuring a spirited reading of Kipling’s poem ”If”. It never ceases to amaze me how professional readers can transform literature- my school poetry recollections were of TS Eliot’s “Wasteland” being ritually murdered, line by painful line, in broad Buchan- a sort of death by Doric. However, Kipling’s words did strike a chord, reflecting the tensions and uncertainty within individuals, practices and organisations engendered by the new contract.

My modified version doesn’t read, rhyme or scan like the original but then again, Kipling couldn’t fit a Mirena. So, to prove that you can make a sow’s ear out of a silk purse…

If you can keep your income when all about you,
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when Consultants doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can opt out and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, when patients believe in lies,
Or, being MPIG, don't give way to berating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can aspire - and not a magpie become;
If you can record - and data becomes not your aim;
If you can meet with quality and outcome,
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken,
Twisted by knaves, no enhancements for fools;
Watch the doctrine you gave your life to broken,
Then stoop to rebuild it with up to date tools;

If you can make one heap of all your values
And risk it on one vote in pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again bereft and confused,
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve to enthuse,
About your changes, when your spirit is gone;
And so hold on when nothing improves
Except the Will which says to them: "Go on";

If you can care without bearing a burden,
Nor expectations- don’t seek tithe for caring;
If you can inspire the young to the garden
And nurture their interest with sharing;
If you can fill those briefest ten minutes
With a lifetime of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you're still a GP my son!

You can read the original at http://www.kipling.org.uk/poems_if.htm

Other hoolet online articles by Alex Thain can be found at:
hoolet edition 50 - A Fairy Tale
hoolet edition 49 - A Tale of Two Addicts
hoolet edition 48 - The Supporter
hoolet edition 47 - Cannon Fodder
hoolet edition 46 - The Commercial Imperative Alternative
hoolet edition 46 - The Commercial Imperative Assassin
hoolet edition 45 - A Lateral Thought
hoolet edition 44 - The Watching
hoolet edition 43 - The Child Within
hoolet edition 42 - If Kipling were a GP
hoolet edition 42 - Of Directors, Philosophers and Poets
hoolet edition 40- Of Knees and Knickers
hoolet edition 39- Neighbour meets Norton
hoolet edition 38- Embarrassment
hoolet edition 37- From the Book of Negotiators
hoolet edition 36 - Practice Visit By WH Audit
hoolet edition 35 - The Bells, The Bells. . . .
hoolet edition 34 - Talking Urine
hoolet edition 33 - Reflections on Reggie Perrin
hoolet edition 32 - Myth 1 Logic 1
hoolet edition 31 - Poems
hoolet edition 30 - One Size Fits All
hoolet edition 29 - Downwardly Mobile
hoolet edition 28 - From the mouths of babes
hoolet edition 27 - On Losing Their Child

hoolet is the magazine of RCGP Scotland. It is supported intellectually, financially and emotionally by RCGP Scotland.

This issue maintained by Robert Hallam.