SWIMMING UP THE AISLE

By Ali Bodie
Contact the author via Chris Johnstone by e-mail at christopher.johnstone@ntlworld.com

Well....I managed to cross from Holy Isle to Lamlash, notice I did not say swim, although I did a lot of the way but my new titanium wetsuit let me down rather....I sank everytime I stopped to demist my goggles, which was every minute or so. No bouancy, I sank and drifted off course to Ardrossan, with my sister yelling "Come this way!" in the opposite direction.

Eventually Dr Angus Campbell rescued me, but I remained stoically, shivering in the water for about 90 minutes, arriving ages later, shuddering with cold, to grimace at the cameras whilst hiding my pot belly behind a towel..I must admit I will never be able to manage my swim again.

My last CT and bone scan was cause to moan. I broke two ribs leaning over to take off my shoe, beat that?Last week I had my long delayed radiation to my spine and ribs (oh the waiting lists).

I lay there under the machine for what seemed like an age for my spine bits, I commented on the length of zapping. "Oh" they said airily, "You are getting five days worth in a oner." Then onto my ribs. Again long, long nuking session. Not sure if concentrated treatment for my benefit or for the NHS? On leaving I asked if any side-effects? "Oh no, no, very unlikely...." NOTE, anyone who has not done chemo, radiation etc. personally should not be trusted to know. When will I ever learn?

Off I set in my car. After five minutes I was vomiting into a handy carrier bag, a total of 14 times before reaching home. Of course I didn't have my mobile with me, what do you think I am? Organised?

I staggered into my house, head still in bag, screaming to my cleaning lady, "I need Stemitil, fetch the GP!" So off she trotted down the lane (phone engaged as usual, never change to a press one, two, three arrangement). Dr Ivor Sim was found, hooray! One injection into my ample thigh put me out of my misery! Bringing total number of throw ups to 20, I kept a tally, and with broken ribs....ouch!

In October I took part in a Fashion Show in aid of various cancer charities, I got my pick of Debenhams to wear and met lots of younger women with cancer. A local paper asked to run my swim/fashion show story. I said ok, so long as its not soppy or laden with silly cliches. Then I forgot about it, until the Sunday night of the fashion show. Everyone seemed to know my name. One women called to me that she'd seen my article "and I cried all the way through it", aaack! sinking feeling, sure enough, headline along the lines of "Battle to the Death", "Brave Alison" etc. etc, cringe. Good picture of my Mollydog though, shame about my chins.

On the 15th January 2006 I am marrying my beloved, my wedding dress is hanging up, its LOVELY, sigh, so is Beloved. I once saw a fortune teller in Glasgow who told me I would never marry, shaking her head sadly. Of course I'm now terrified that I will peg it at the last moment! Well, I'm well past my sell by date (according to oncologist) and last week's CT results weren't good. The Gods of irony had better be busy doing other things..

If it snows I will wear my green wellies on my Big Day. And my Japanese sea pearls, and matching tiara. If I live past that I'll be at the hoolet Dinner, hopefully with hair this time. And if I don't make it to my wedding I'll be buried in my finery, and haunt the cemetery, Giselle style, as a Wilis..I always wanted to be a ballet dancer.....two stone lighter of course.

Update 24th Nov

Bad day, good day. Got letter from onc saying tumour markers up, 4cm tumour in upper left lung, he wanted to put me on iv chemo. NO WAY!!! What would I pin my tiara to? So we settled for trying tamoxifen again (I know that seems weird but its not really) and trying oral bisphos thingies so I can stop at first sign of iritis. Will give in to chemo after Silly Honeymoon in Scotland in January - the things I have planned! One last laugh before things fall apart.

I am now reclining on my sofa like a Victorian consumptive, elegant, wan and interesting, , delicately coughing with a lace handkerchief dabbing my lips....

Other hoolet online articles by Ali Bodie can be found at:
hoolet edition 49 - Perched on her Electric Chair
hoolet edition 48 - A Different Holy Aisle
hoolet edition 47 - Swimming up the Aisle
hoolet edition 46 - Support Groups and New York, New York
hoolet edition 45 - Cancer, Attitudes, The Cure... Not!
hoolet edition 44 - Cat In a Bag
hoolet edition 43 - Swimming Against the Tide
hoolet edition 42 - Swimming to the Holy Isle
hoolet edition 41 - Swimming In De Nile
hoolet edition 40 - Breast Lumps and Swimming

hoolet is the magazine of RCGP Scotland. It is supported intellectually, financially and emotionally by RCGP Scotland.

This issue maintained by Robert Hallam.